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Men and women: they are very different. Duh. I mean, this isn’t exactly a statement that is surprising anyone reading this, right? Sure, both genders are human beings, but that’s about where the similarities end.
You would think that when it comes to love and courtship we would share some similarities, but it is during the big game of love that the difference between men and women oftentimes seem to be the most highlighted. Is it any wonder that we women are often left baffled about a man and his true feelings?
Does he like me? Is he flirting with me? Is he just a nice guy who is like this with everyone? These are the questions that are running through our heads when we first make contact with a dude we’re viewing as a potential romantic partner.
More often than not we are simply left to bumble through the situation blind, looking for signs that seem to be nowhere to be found! Luckily, all hope is not lost. If you’re wondering whether or not a guy is really flirting with you, we’ve got some guidelines that just might help you out, from some actual honest to goodness men.
These fellows have asked that their identities be protected, but with names hidden they were happy to tell us how to flirt with a girl and what it really looks like when they are flirting with a woman they like.
1. When they use innuendo
“Make eye contact, pay attention, listen, and when you feel that the moment is right, put a little bit of innuendo into the conversation, something that can be taken in a sexual manner but only if she wants it to be. If she responds well, dial it back for a bit and then put in a little bit more a couple minutes later. Escalate from there.”
2. When they say off-the-wall stuff
“It’s all intuitive, and it’s gotten through experience. Here’s the secret: if she’s into you, you have a lot of leeway as long as you don’t mention your spaghetti coprophagia fetish. If she immediately goes ‘pffft’ and rejects you outright because of a slightly fumbled attempt at flirting, she wasn’t into you anyway. That’s why really attractive, outgoing, confident guys can say off-the-wall s*** and still get laid while you’re frantically trying to cultivate the best possible conversation and still striking out.”
3. When they start to lean
“Read body language, watch for social cues, and interact well with the person. Lean into intimate topics when you feel the time is right. Then start at the top again.”
4. When they try to be funny
“Flirting for me is an increase. You’re having a conversation and you start increasing your emphasis on things that you feel will elicit positive responses. You increase your humor while trying to gauge their tastes and interests. You increase your focus on them and how you fit in with their sense of self. (Shared perspectives, similar or non-conflicting interests, differences that promote discussion not conflict.) You increase physical interaction at exactly the right point.”
5. When they reveal intimate truths
“Flirting is a game with a playful conversation with people with a dash of intimacy to separate it from everything else. If you have a poor or low social ability, it’s the same as having poor hand-eye coordination with high-skill FPS games. You won’t get their number and you won’t get that headshot either.”
6. When he makes it clear he’s having fun
“Don’t try to flirt. Just have fun and enjoy the time spent with the girl. Anytime someone actively tries to flirt it just comes off so forced and awkward.”
7. When he acts like he isn’t flirty
“I don’t actively flirt anymore. It isn’t positively accepted ever so, why waste the energy and time?”
8. When he’s courteous
“I don’t really know if I consciously flirt, I just treat women I like really nice and act really interested in them.”
9. When he changes his voice
“If we’re talking I’ll sit there supporting my cheek with a hand and stare at you smiling while we talk. My tone of voice changes a lot.”
10. When he’s direct about his feelings
“I never flirted. If I was interested in a woman, I told her. I’m married now.”
11. When he wants to share everything
“I geek out over subjects I’m passionate about.”
12. When he makes serious eye contact
“Eye contact. It’s all about the eye contact. If a guy and girl are talking about the weather and looking at their feet, they’re making awkward small talk. Now imagine that same guy and girl talking about the weather while smiling and looking directly at each other. Girl: ‘The weather is nice outside, isn’t it?’ Guy: ‘Yes, it’s gorgeous.’ When I want to show a woman I’m interested, I’ll look into her eyes and smile until she looks away. If she doesn’t look away, I take that as my cue to make a bold move.”
13. When he looks for reasons to touch you
“Eye contact is definitely a good indicator as to whether or not a guy is flirting. Pair that with small touches on the arm and positive body language like uncrossed arms, leaning in, and head nods, and you’ve got the makings of a guy who’s surely flirting.”
14. When he compliments you
“It really depends on the situation. Some guys try to be suave and throw in small compliments here and there during the conversation. Others make large amounts of eye contact. Sometimes it’s all about the body language. Some go for the playful/childish flirting by being an over the top smartass or making small jokes about things you do or say.”
15. When he singles you out
“Messing around and joking with her, especially with her more than other girls that are around, if there are any.”
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