Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
Nearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship
at some point in their life.
Most of us have
failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have
been a promising relationship.
Why is that
so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships,
and how can you make them work?
Many people believe that long distance
relationships are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and
some of your best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case
you get your heart broken.
Nobody says it is
going to be easy — the extra distance makes many things unachievable. Things
could get complicated, and you could get sad and lonely at times. However, the
extra distance also makes the simplest things the sweetest, being able to hold
the other person’s hand, eating together at the same table, feeling each others
touch, taking a walk together, smelling each others hair… these small wishes
could suddenly mean so much more in a long distance relationship.
Long distance
relationship may be tough but it has its own surprises too. To keep your love
alive and strong, here are some tips to make your long distance relationship
work:
1. Avoid excessive communication.
It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really
have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going. Many couples
thought that they need to compensate for the distance by doing more. This is
not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon you would get tired of
“loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about spamming — you are only going
to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing at the right moments and
tugging at the right spots.
2. See it as a opportunity.
“If you want to live together, you first
need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous
View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of
your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid
of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship
is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience, the
both of you will be bound together even stronger.
As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,
“I would rather be here, far from you,
but feeling really close, rather than close to you but feeling really far
away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4
3. Set some ground rules to manage your
expectations.
Both of you need
to be clear with what you expect of with each other during this long distance
relationship. Set some ground rules so that none of you will do things that
will take the other party by surprise. For instance, are you two exclusive? Is
it alright for the other person to go on dates? What is your commitment level?
It’s better to be open with each other about all these things.
4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.
Greet each other
“good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try
to update your partner on your life and its happening, however mundane some of
the things may seem. To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and
short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the
other person feel loved and attended to.
5. Talk dirty with each other.
Sexual tension is
undoubtedly one of the most important things between couples. Sexual desire is
like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting apart. Not only is sex a
biological need, it is an emotional one as well. Keep the flames burning by
sending each other teasing texts filled with sexual innuendos and provocative
descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty well too.
1. Have a goal in
mind.
“What do we want
to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What
about the future?” These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves. The
truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever.
Eventually we all need to settle down.
So make a plan
with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and
times together, and draw an end goal. It is important that you two are on
the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in
the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still working together in
the same direction towards a future that includes one another.
6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.
If you already
know that going to the club or going drinking with your group of friends late
at night will displease your partner, then you should either 1. Not do it or 2.
Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about
this sort of matter because your partner is only going to be extra worried or
extra suspicious, and of course, very upset, because you are putting him/her in
a position where he/she feels extra powerless/lacking in control.
Also, It could be
easy for you to fall into the trap which you, unconsciously or not, set up for
yourself by “hanging out” with your office eye-candy after work, or going out
with a girl or guy from your past who has been flirting with you. You need to
recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to
your heart. Listen to your mind too.
7. Do things together.
Play an online
game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube at the same time. Sing to each
other on Skype while one of you plays the guitar. “Take a walk together”
outside while video-calling each other. Go online-shopping together — and buy
each other gifts. You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.
8. Do similar things.
Recommend books,
TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each other. When you read, watch and
listen to the same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about.
This is a good to create some shared experiences even though you are living
apart.
9. Make visits to each other.
Visits are the
highlight of every long distance relationship. After all the waiting and
yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other to fulfill all the
little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. which are all common to other
couples but so very special and extra intimate for people in long distance
relationships.
10. Know each others schedules.
It’s helpful to
know when the other person is busy and when he/she is free, so that you can
drop a text or make a call at the right time. You wouldn’t want to disturb your
partner when he/she is in the middle of class or halfway through a business
meeting. Know the small and big events that are taking place or will take place
in each others life e.g. college mid-terms and exams, important business trips
and meetings, job interviews and etc. This is especially essential when the
both of you are living in different time zones.
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comes to mind when you think about surviving a long-distance
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