Some songs seem to resonate with us and we cannot get them out
of our heads. As soon as I listened to Pink’s collaboration with Nate Ruess,
“Just Give Me a Reason” I admit I was hooked. It struck a powerful chord with
me and each time I play it, it makes me reflect on how relationships evolve and
that there’s always two sides to any story.
The distinction of being bent and not
broken is also extremely important, especially when you want to evaluate
whether a relationship can be saved. That’s what really gets to me about that
song, composed by Pink and Nate Ruess. When they sing “We’re not broken, just
bent, and we can learn to love again” I think it sends a powerful message to
any couple that faces challenging times.
If you’ve been in a long-term
relationship, chances are you don’t feel madly in love with your partner 24
hours a day, seven days a week (if you do, please share your secret) and that
there are times you don’t see eye to eye. Once you become a parent the sum of
chores, routines, exhaustion and a general lack of time can make it harder to
feel that connection and spark you had in the beginning, even if you wouldn’t
change your family for anything.
If you’ve hit a rough patch, you
might feel you can never go back to that rush you felt in the early weeks of
your relationship. And in many ways, you can’t, because the beauty of
relationships lies in the power of evolution. The challenge is to evolve
together and not simply drift apart.
Many times I’ve felt like I need to
find a reason to carry on, even if it’s tiny, and until now, I have always
found it. Most of those times, it just takes a glance in my kids’ direction or
my spouse will unexpectedly do something that awes me –in a good way. But there
are moments in which things aren’t as simple or as easy, or you might
experience a turning point in your relationship when you are going through
bigger challenges. Looking at your family doesn’t take you automatically to a
happy place, but it can fuel your conviction of working things out, even if it
takes a lot of tears, pain, honesty and rebuilding.Most of all, it takes tons
of open communication.
When I look back, though, I realize
that it’s key to understand that you will hit many bumps in the road and they
will leave dents. However, if you’re able to realize they are only bumps and
not big breaks, it becomes easier to move on. If you do feel torn apart or that
there is a huge abyss between you and your spouse, it is much harder to fix
your relationship.
A marriage is not a zero sum game and
life is more tinged in shades of gray than a study in black and white. That’s
why making the distinction between being broken or merely bent is huge. And
just as Pink and Nate Ruess sing, you can learn to love again.
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